A 17 year old Girl Broke My Collarbone

In my last post I told you what I believe.  Here’s a recap.  Some people believe in the Book of Mormon.  Some people believe in the Holy Bible.  Some people believe in the Koran.  I believe time slows down when you are hurting yourself (among other things).

 

What’s the point?

 

I have a point.  If you get hurt, but it is from an unexpected outside cause, my theory is that time doesn’t give you the same slowing-down feeling.  This is because you are not hurting yourself and you have no guilty action to reflect upon or regret.  In short you don’t need the slow-mo anguish because there is no lesson to be learnt. 

 

Now for the main event.

 

Why did I explain the difference between hurting yourself and being blindsided by somebody else’s actions?  Because I have injured the same part of my body more than once.  Or rather, the same part of my body has been injured more than once.  More than once.  More than once.  Is there an echo in here?  Actually, no.  My left collarbone has been broken twice, and I have been in the spinal unit 4 times (and still walking because they breed ‘em tough down under – or stupid).

 

Now that I’ve brought it up I’ll get rid of the spine first because it’s not at the heart of today’s tale. 

Event 1.  Age 9-10  I got a knee in the back by a bully at cubs (junior boyscouts) and lost feeling in my legs for 2 or 3 days.

Event 2.  Age 12  I got dropped on my head (not as a baby – thanks for asking Rocky) at Judo by resisting a throw and falling awkwardly.  Again 2 days with no feeling, but also no movement.

Event 3.  Age 20  The ambulance ride.

Event 4.  Age 33  While I was sound asleep, safe at home and no armed intruders involved.  (I just realised I probably need to tell that story)

 

Events 1 and 2 – I was only about 10 and 12 years old and I don’t remember any time-flux because I don’t think you are actually geared to learn from your mistakes at that age.

Event 3 – time definitely warped a little, but it was still quite a blur as most things are at over 40mph on a bike.

Event 4 – sound asleep remember.

 

The Collarbone

 

In my last post (apart from that little bit of advertising for the society… shhh) I outlined the time-flux involved with flying through the air KNOWING something bad is happening. 

 

Today I will describe the difference when your injury comes from a totally unexpected source.  You will also meet my wife, who wasn’t my wife back then. 

 

In late June 1990, I along with about a dozen other males ranging from late teens to mid 20’s made a video.  It wasn’t produced and edited and all that fancy stuff.  We just pointed a video camera at the stupid stuff we were doing so that later we could drink beer and watch ourselves being stupid over and over again.  One of the guys had previously worked at a video shop and he got the camera for the day on the cheap.  We went out on a road that led up to a radio tower that carried virtually no traffic.  Bitumen and seclusion and boys and cars and a camera.  Goodbye tyres. 

 

We went back to the video shop to return the camera and have a quick first look at what we had filmed.  I noticed a cute 17 year old (girl, nikared – get away with the big nekkid man hugs).  We left to drink beer and watch ourselves being stupid.  The video shop was only half a mile from where I worked so after that I visited often on weekdays and with my idiot mates on weekends. 

 

About 2 or 3 weeks later one of my mates broke his thumb roller-skating (he’ll say arm if you ever meet him because a thumb is a sissy thing to break).  He was in plaster and wearing a sling.  After a while his thumb wasn’t as sore and he used the sling less and less.  July 12 1990, my collarbone is broken.  I didn’t go out that weekend, but was up and about the next weekend with the sling for company. 

 

Expect the unexpected

 

So I’m at the video shop on the weekend with my boisterous group of mates.  Being a young male in the company of other young males and in proximity to a pretty girl, guess what was happening.  I was mouthing off (nothing’s changed in the last 15 years).  Teasing and sarcasm, the social tools of the socially impaired.  And I wielded them with a heavy hand.  I was attracted to this lady and I was trying to get her attention the best way I knew how.

 

I got her attention alright.  She was on the point of tears – apparently teasing and sarcasm are only funny up to a point.  And that point was a long way behind us. 

 

Here was her train of thought.  Collarbone… sling but no plaster.  Thumb… plaster but no sling.  She put 2 and 2 together and acted swiftly on the results.  I was standing towards the back of the store with my broken collarbone closest to her, but facing away talking to someone further back in the store.  She walked up and punched me as hard as she could, right on the fleshy part of the arm above the bicep.  TIME DID NOT SLOW DOWN.

 

There was a loud pop (a muffled crack really).  The colour drained from my face and I slid down the wall.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I nursed my freshly re-broken collarbone.  She seemed a bit concerned at my reaction to the punch.  Then my friend with the broken thumb pulled the sling out of his pocket and my future wife started crying with me.

 

So, I married her.  Not straight away, we dated for a while (alright, 2 years) before the wedding.

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40 Responses to A 17 year old Girl Broke My Collarbone

  1. Sue says:

    That picture is HYSTERICAL. It’s perfect.Botched

  2. Sue says:

    Is there a term for when a commenter accidently posts a comment before it’s finished?Anyway.OUCH! You Aussies have strange mateing rituals! Now, I understand how you ended up with such a good looking wife. Marry her when she’s too young to know any better (take it easy, I did the same thing!).My collarbone story:Day1: build huge snowman. Day2: tackle huge snowman, break collarboneWes’ collarbone story:Buy cheap-assed cycle trainer. Tip over on it and break collarbone. Repeat TWICE in 6 months!Botched

  3. Big Guy on a Bicycle says:

    My wife kneed me in the groin once before we were dating. Thankfully, she hasn’t done it since. Maybe not as painful as the collarbone, but I might have argued the point at the time…if I could have breathed enough to talk above a squeak. Let’s not go into WHY she did it. I have conveniently forgotten. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.My mom met my dad by accidentally knocking him down a flight of stairs at school.My brother refuses to talk about how he and his wife got together, but I suspect calamity of some sort. The men in my family are just masochists when it comes to love.

  4. Ariane says:

    I knew this guy in Seattle whose ex-wife had tried to kill him with a frying pan. Later they started dating. I wonder if it is just a guy thing, and not so much an Aussie thing? Like, "Hurgh! Woman powerful to hurt me! Impressive! Am keen on woman now!" Hah. Sorry. I suppose it could also be, "Hurargh! Me like this man! Me club him! Take him home! Harh!"Botched– How’d you tip it over? Didn’t it have the legs that brace the bike on it?

  5. AO says:

    awhile back, my ribs were hurting so bad i nearly scheduled a dr. appointment. my wife kept asking me what i had been doing that would have hurt my ribs so bad. she seemed so concerned at the time. she later admitted that she was sick of my bed-hogging ways and had taken to elbowing me several times during the night, several nights in a row, to get me back on my side of the bed. i sleep on the floor now, and my ribs have never felt better.

  6. AO says:

    botched: "Is there a term for when a commenter accidently posts a comment before it’s finished?"yes, it’s known as a ‘botched comment’. sorry, wish i had an award to give you, but i don’t.

  7. AO says:

    but botched, it’s not as bad as this one guy, on this one site, who posted the same or nearly the same comment like 4 or 5 times in a row and tried to blame it on his ISP, or something.like GBW said: "Fool you, er, me twice. Shame on me, er, you… Errr, you know what meaned…"

  8. Sue says:

    Toad–Lucily it was my friend Wes and not me. If you knew Wes, you would not be suprised he tipped a trainer over. I can’t remember if there was something wrong with the trainer, a fundamentally flawed design, or a fundamentally flawed Wes.Nikared–It’s ok to admit that your wife is beating you. Maybe you and she could go see Errorista.I may never forgive you for thinking of "botched comment" when I hadn’t thought of it.Botched

  9. BIg Mike In Oz says:

    Botched – Assos would freak if they knew people like that could fit into their product. You’d better check with MuMo on the half-a-comment comment. Man, falling off an exercise bike twice, you hang out with some dorks.Big Guy – I think they rough us up a bit and if we come back for more they know we’re a sucker that they can completely OWN.Toad – remember when dragging you future spouse home drag them by the hair… oh never mind, this is a G-rated site.nikared – I feel your pain. I’m not a hog, but I snore like a freight train and apparently my ribs are my snooze button.Botched – errorista counsels the substance abuser, not the abused substance. Mrs nikared will have to go alone.

  10. Unknown says:

    The tears are running down my face re. the picture of Botched. I am laughing my bum off at his balloon bum as well. I’m soooo lucky I visited the loo just before clicking on this link… LOL!Why didn’t someone tell me about the hair trick before all the men in my age group have none?Hugs,MuMo

  11. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    Hmmm, it must be a guy thing, to marry the woman you get injured by/ find terrifying/ wears leather/ ……ooops, almost went past PG13!::GRIN:: Well, I can’t share a collarbone story, but I dislocated my left elbow AND shoulder simultaneously once! Back when I I was about 16, I was showing off on an ancient JC Higgins single speeder (your basic cruiser, weighed AND rode like a tank!). I was riding around a place called Wawasee Prep, near the house, and decided to take a jump down onto the tennis courts there. The fork snapped just below the headset on impact and I wound up tangled in the tennis net with my shoulder looking funny, and my index finger in my armpit! Unfortunately, my elbow had folded the WRONG WAY!~ Talk about exquisite pain! The Famed "Elden Wail" would’ve been put to shame by the ‘StormcrowePrim"al" Scream’! I should mention, though, my wife was NOT the girl I was showing off for. This particular girl couldn’t take seeing injury and decided I wasn’t the guy for her…………the wuss! It’s probably just as well, as I saw her picture in the paper last year after she’d been arrested for trying to hire someone(turned out to be a detective) to KILL HER HUSBAND! WHEW! The horrible thing here is that I’m not kidding either!

  12. Fat Cyclist says:

    ok, just did the math:you have mentioned in previous entries that you’re 38 right now.15 years ago you met your wife-to-be.so when you met, you were 23; she was 17. which means you’ll have someone to take care of you in your old age. good planning, MIKE!

  13. BIg Mike In Oz says:

    fatty – I’m not as silly as I look, am I? Although, we did meet between our birthdays so the difference is only 5 years and 6 weeks. We got married in the birthday gap as well. I was 25 and she was 19. Which reminds me of another injury which could be a future post… but with no photos because there was a mullet involved that would make Billy-Ray Cyrus blush. (I hope a mullet is a haircut in the US)

  14. Unknown says:

    You know, Mike, we need a term for that… for the fear of using a word in English that is a volgar or dirty word in another English-speaking country. (We can’t worry about the others becaue that would be…well.. just too much.) I already know about r_ _t and f_ _ _y and we even have women NAMED that second one and we do the other for our teams and the people we hope will win (now isn’t THAT a pretty picture!)Another one used in American English-speaking chats is "poof" which is not a particularly nice word in Strine or UK English, either. I don’t know about Canada on that last one, or the first two, for that matter.

  15. Unknown says:

    Oh, and how about "bum"? Here, it’s a hobo or transient (homeless person, maybe swagman in Oz) and there it’s your backside, butt, buttocks, derriere. I use the word "bum" and so do my family because it sounds less crude to me than "butt" but if I were in Oz, it might not.As a matter of fact, my Mom (Mum) would nevr allow us to use the word "butt" or any of the others I mentioned and always called it the f_ _ _ y. as do many Americans… LOL!!!What you call pumpkin is our winter squash and I have no idea if you use a different word for the large orange things that we carve with faces and now pictures on Halloween. We also have summer squash (zucchini, yellow squash, patty pan, etc.) and those are what you call squash, I think, and then the UK people use some French word. Queensland Blue is what we call Blue Hubbard and is one of our many varieties of winter squash.I have a pie machine, having been indoctrinated by an Aussie. LOL! I did make pies prior to owning a machine, but the machine itself was at the urging of an Aussie and they are not available in this country anymore.This amounts to blogsteading!Molre than you wanted to know, eh?Hugs,MuMo

  16. Mrs. David says:

    My husband and I have no pre-courtship injury stories. Will our relationship last? From a female’s point of view, sometimes you have to strike first to avoid getting clobbered by you big gooney types! We figure, you can handle it better than us anyways. In my never-to-be-humble opinion, we women do better with the expected pain, such as: labor and delivery of offspring, late nights up with said offspring, colds and flu’s knowingly contracted from afore mentioned offspring…waaiiitt a minute! It’s all the KID’S fault! Ok, back to the subject, it’s the sudden, unexpected pain that we get our feelings hurt about. This way, when we strike first, it’s all good.

  17. AO says:

    <(I hope a mullet is a haircut in the US)>unfortunately, MIKE, yes it is a haircut in the US. especially in some social circles here in Idaho, it is still alive and kickin’. there is actually a family that has 3 kids that attend my kids’ elementary, and all 5 of them (yep, mom too) still sport mullets. or fullets as the female version is called (i think).hey, if you post the story of the injury, you’ve gotta post the mullet pics. just don’t block the eyes and no one will recognize that it is you.

  18. Fat says:

    My BF and I don’t have an injury story of when we met but we both agreed that we didn’t like each other when we met. I remember thinking how rude and ignorant he was. He remembers how rude and ignorant I was. I told him that only happened because he was being grumpy. He said he was grumpy because I was being rude and ignorant. But we both know I’m right, lol.~ Fat Chick

  19. cosmogrl says:

    Nikared—that’s awful! But….on the other hand, very Crocodile Dundee-esk. Good on you, mate! Big Mike–I’m supremely impressed that you didn’t hold the fact that your wife could whip you against her and still went after her. Now that’s a REAL man….. lol I bet she keeps you in line to this day. Even more impressive, though, is your willingness to admit to it here in cyberia….

  20. Unknown says:

    Don’t knock the mighty mullet… Bidneth in the front… Party in the rear!Besides, if it wasn’t for mullets, guys who drive ’77 Camaros wouldn’t have a clue about what kind of haircut to request. Nice story Mike. Painful. Nice though. I’m impressed. Remind me never to tease your wife if we ever meet.

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