In my last post I told you what I believe. Here’s a recap. Some people believe in the Book of Mormon. Some people believe in the Holy Bible. Some people believe in the Koran. I believe time slows down when you are hurting yourself (among other things).
What’s the point?
I have a point. If you get hurt, but it is from an unexpected outside cause, my theory is that time doesn’t give you the same slowing-down feeling. This is because you are not hurting yourself and you have no guilty action to reflect upon or regret. In short you don’t need the slow-mo anguish because there is no lesson to be learnt.
Now for the main event.
Why did I explain the difference between hurting yourself and being blindsided by somebody else’s actions? Because I have injured the same part of my body more than once. Or rather, the same part of my body has been injured more than once. More than once. More than once. Is there an echo in here? Actually, no. My left collarbone has been broken twice, and I have been in the spinal unit 4 times (and still walking because they breed ‘em tough down under – or stupid).
Now that I’ve brought it up I’ll get rid of the spine first because it’s not at the heart of today’s tale.
Event 1. Age 9-10 I got a knee in the back by a bully at cubs (junior boyscouts) and lost feeling in my legs for 2 or 3 days.
Event 2. Age 12 I got dropped on my head (not as a baby – thanks for asking Rocky) at Judo by resisting a throw and falling awkwardly. Again 2 days with no feeling, but also no movement.
Event 3. Age 20 The ambulance ride.
Event 4. Age 33 While I was sound asleep, safe at home and no armed intruders involved. (I just realised I probably need to tell that story)
Events 1 and 2 – I was only about 10 and 12 years old and I don’t remember any time-flux because I don’t think you are actually geared to learn from your mistakes at that age.
Event 3 – time definitely warped a little, but it was still quite a blur as most things are at over 40mph on a bike.
Event 4 – sound asleep remember.
In my last post (apart from that little bit of advertising for the society… shhh) I outlined the time-flux involved with flying through the air KNOWING something bad is happening.
Today I will describe the difference when your injury comes from a totally unexpected source. You will also meet my wife, who wasn’t my wife back then.
In late June 1990, I along with about a dozen other males ranging from late teens to mid 20’s made a video. It wasn’t produced and edited and all that fancy stuff. We just pointed a video camera at the stupid stuff we were doing so that later we could drink beer and watch ourselves being stupid over and over again. One of the guys had previously worked at a video shop and he got the camera for the day on the cheap. We went out on a road that led up to a radio tower that carried virtually no traffic. Bitumen and seclusion and boys and cars and a camera. Goodbye tyres.
We went back to the video shop to return the camera and have a quick first look at what we had filmed. I noticed a cute 17 year old (girl, nikared – get away with the big nekkid man hugs). We left to drink beer and watch ourselves being stupid. The video shop was only half a mile from where I worked so after that I visited often on weekdays and with my idiot mates on weekends.
About 2 or 3 weeks later one of my mates broke his thumb roller-skating (he’ll say arm if you ever meet him because a thumb is a sissy thing to break). He was in plaster and wearing a sling. After a while his thumb wasn’t as sore and he used the sling less and less. July 12 1990, my collarbone is broken. I didn’t go out that weekend, but was up and about the next weekend with the sling for company.
Expect the unexpected
So I’m at the video shop on the weekend with my boisterous group of mates. Being a young male in the company of other young males and in proximity to a pretty girl, guess what was happening. I was mouthing off (nothing’s changed in the last 15 years). Teasing and sarcasm, the social tools of the socially impaired. And I wielded them with a heavy hand. I was attracted to this lady and I was trying to get her attention the best way I knew how.
I got her attention alright. She was on the point of tears – apparently teasing and sarcasm are only funny up to a point. And that point was a long way behind us.
Here was her train of thought. Collarbone… sling but no plaster. Thumb… plaster but no sling. She put 2 and 2 together and acted swiftly on the results. I was standing towards the back of the store with my broken collarbone closest to her, but facing away talking to someone further back in the store. She walked up and punched me as hard as she could, right on the fleshy part of the arm above the bicep. TIME DID NOT SLOW DOWN.
There was a loud pop (a muffled crack really). The colour drained from my face and I slid down the wall. Tears welled up in my eyes as I nursed my freshly re-broken collarbone. She seemed a bit concerned at my reaction to the punch. Then my friend with the broken thumb pulled the sling out of his pocket and my future wife started crying with me.
So, I married her. Not straight away, we dated for a while (alright, 2 years) before the wedding.