Calling my bluff!

 

It seems I’ve been found out.  I have no idea how my carefully concocted, meticulously planned, multi-layered ruse was so easily penetrated.  Apparently I’m a closet blog fetishist and my previous post (according to at least one cluey commenter) was a ploy to put myself into a situation that forced me to intensify my blogging activity.

 

I though I was just lazy and saw this as a way of not having to come up with my own subject matter for a period of time.  But in the words of my accuser "Right now, your stick seems more like a carrot in disguise."  Basically I’ve been accused of constructing a competition where if I win, I win.  But if I lose, I still win.  Just a different prize.

 

I never gave myself that much credit in the sneakiness stakes, but after some reflection time I see how I have put myself in a very comfortable position.  There is no real incentive to perform.  If I don’t like riding and dieting, I’ll be forced to blog more, without having to come up with subjects for myself.  It’s life on easy street.

 

So let’s modify the game a little.

 

The rules for winning or losing will remain the same:  1 point for riding for over an hour each day, 1 point for staying away from fast food and full sugar soft drink, and 1 point for not bingeing between dinner and bed time.

 

A weekly total of 16 is a pass.  15 or less is a fail and the fur starts flying.

 

What will my punishment be?

 

I’ve made a couple of suggestions in yesterdays post.  Fatty thinks I’m being a bit soft on myself.  Looking from the outside in, I can see his point.  But being a nice guy, I just can’t think up anything truly nasty.  Suzanne from A Bit of Seoul had a positively nasty idea.  I can’t repeat it here because my eyes water at the mere thought of it.  If you must know, go and read yesterdays comments.

 

But I’m guessing that’s more in line with the literal definition of a true punishment.  If I stray, I must suffer.  I understand the concept, but…       please help me.  I need inspiration as to how I should suffer.  So I lay it open to you.  My friends.  And I mean friends in the most sincere and soulfully grovelling manner.  Please be at least a little merciful.

 

My ground rules are:

Nothing that causes financial stress

Nothing that causes permanent scarring (of the physical kind, psychological you could probably get away with)

Nothing that will cause my mother to blush

Nothing that will get me arrested

 

I’ll call on a guest judge for this competition and also for the ongoing competition.  Here’s how the judge will be decided.  Everyone who posts a comment can nominate a punishment and a judge.  I’ll add up the votes for the judge and offer the person with the most votes the job and just run down the list until I get a yes.  That’s nasty.  You won’t know whose sense of humour to play up to because the identity of the judge will be obscured by the terms of the game.

 

It’s over to you.

 

Post Script for bulging individuals who don’t want to bulge.

Rocky and Al were having an arm wrestle the other day and I asked if I could join in.  After 40 or 50 emails back and forth, some laced with fairly personal insults aimed at taunting the others into a duel, an algorithm to compare mismatched antagonists was devised.  There is a ceiling of 25 combatants on this "get healthy using a bike"fest.  Go to Cold Fury to see the details.

 

 

My permanent post script

No matter how meagre your existence may seem, if you are reading this you are in a position to be a hero to people who need heroes more than you could imagine.  Click here to help make a difference.

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27 Responses to Calling my bluff!

  1. a says:

    following your full-body wax, you will roam the busiest area of your university campus wearing a thong (think Speedo swimwear, not flip-flops) and holding a rainbow-colored sign that reads:TODAY I COME OUT OF THE CLOSET (side one)andI HAVE A BLOG FETISH (side two)side one should be the most prominently displayed side.

  2. a says:

    oh, i should mention, you don’t have to do this all day, but 1-3 hours should be sufficient. and you have to leave the black eye-bar at home.

  3. Suzanne says:

    Well Mike I’m still voting for the brazilian wax job…punishment has to be something you dread as a motivator. Because I think when it comes to putting that twinky in your mouth the thought of having your hair ripped out will convince you it’s just not worth it.But if you want to be a baby….dress in all baby pink when you fail…

  4. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    I like Nik’s idea as well!::GRIN:: add in wearing a pair of butless leather chaps as well along with a posted picture of this on your blog!

  5. Fat Cyclist says:

    Everyone seems intent on making you get rid of hair. i propose the opposite.The first time you miss, you grow lambchop sideburns. The second time you miss, you grow a handlbar mustache.The third time you miss, you grow a combover hairstyle.The fourth time, you grow back your mullett, to whatever degree you are able, while still keeping the combover.You want a stick? There’s your stick.

  6. Nanget says:

    I’m with the FC on this one, mainly because i did something similar. I had my goal and i wasn’t allowed to shave (the face, legs OK) and cut my hair until it was completed. It took 1 1/2 months and i was quite scruffy at the end.There’s no motivation than knowing you look foolish.

  7. tayfuryagci says:

    dug should call the proper punishment. he’s mean. (but decent)

  8. Unknown says:

    The worst punishment for a lost wager I ever heard was that the guy had to call his in-laws and tell them he was divorcing his wife (their daughter/sister/etc.). He couldn’t correct the lie for 24 hours. That’s just crazy.I suggest a physical punishment, like you have to ride your bike on the velodrome for 4 hours straight. You should have to add an hour every week you miss the goal.If the above isn’t difficut enough for you, then you could have to do it on a unicycle.Botched

  9. BIg Mike In Oz says:

    It’s great to see everyone thinking hard on this one, but where are the nominations for judging? I don’t want to be accused of taking the soft option again.

  10. Suzanne says:

    How about you have to wear a eye mask and a cape like a super hero?so list our options and let us vote on what you have to do.Democracy…

  11. Suzanne says:

    Or you have to wear chaps and lace and dance to like a Modonna’s "Like a Virgin" on video then post it on the blog…so we can all watch over and over…and send it too our friends…If you mess up again you have to do "Vogue"

  12. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    By the way, Mike, got any miles for Spinner this week? Email them to me at gunsel2001@(NO SPAM)yahoo.com

  13. tayfuryagci says:

    no no not madonna, he should do geri halliwel’s me chico latino :::HUGEST GRIN EVA:::

  14. Laura says:

    How about Mumo as a judge, kind but sneaky…

  15. Nanget says:

    This is not a suggestion but i recall reading in the paper about a guy who punished himself.Some fella in Wales at a pub said told his mates that if Wales won the six nations (rugby) he would cut his testicles off. Wales won, he went home went to the kitchen and got a knife and returned to the pub 30minutes later with a jar with his "precious". After showing his mates he lasted 5 more minutes before collaspsing of blood loss.I remember reading a followup in the paper about 2 months later and the operation to reattach was a success. And he was visited by a "head doctor". This is a bit out there, and wouldn’t recommend it/

  16. serf says:

    Envison 4 hours on a cheap stationary bike facing the corner with no TV, music or other outside stimuli. Enough to drive a road rider wild from the shear boredom.serf ‘rett

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