You’re all too kind.

 

Revolution Round 1.

 

Here’s how the week looked.  Fair.  Reasonable.  Adequate.  OK.  Nothing spectacular.  It started very well with a perfect score up to Wednesday.  4 days.  12 points.  Thursday morning I had booked myself an appointment with the blue sky and wide open road.  I was planning on a leisurely 70-90 kilometre (43-55 mile) ride. 

 

Alas, at 7:14am the phone rang.  It was my boss from the Post Office.  They were a man down.  Until I said yes.  Out of the cycling clothes and into the steel capped boots for a day parcel delivering fun.  Unfortunately in my enthusiasm to get to work I could not possibly have left the house less well prepared for a long day in the summer sun.  No food.  No water.  No sunscreen.  But hey, I had a wallet and a choice of 4 different brands of drive through for lunch.

 

So how’s that New Years Revolution looking?  No ride.  Junk for lunch.  And then I was in complete brain-fade when I got home.  Between 9pm and 11 pm I managed to forage around and devour somewhere in the vicinity of 1500 calories.  That makes Thursday a ZERO point day.

 

Friday, the ride was there.  The night binge was suppressed.  Working at a pizza shop is a struggle though.  At the end of a shift one of those greasy suckers just jumps right down your throat.  Junk food was a ZERO score.

 

Saturday went well.  So I got to the end of the first week with a score of 17 out of 21.  A weight loss of 2.0kg (4.4lb) and mileage of 189km (117mi).  Quite satisfactory considering the bike I’m riding was purchased in October 2001 and the computer on 31 December 2005 showed a total of 2886.4km (1792mi).  That’s 50 months at a truly fearsome average of 1.9km (1.2mi) per day.  Any wonder it feels like I’m starting from scratch.  I am.

 

What happens if I stumble?

 

That’s yet to be decided. 

 

In my last post I was looking for a special kind of evil.  A truly inspired level of nastiness.  What I got was some carefully thought out, but politely restrained responses.  Here’s what I think.  Everyone I know is nice.  Too nice.  Way too nice.  Don’t fret though folks, we have time.  As I’ve just finished covering, I don’t need to publicly flog myself this week.

 

The results were strangely skewed towards hair related punishments.  Some involved removal from various zones.  Some were suggesting growth of embarrassing fashions of yesteryear.

 

There were 2 nominations for who should decide the punishment.  MuMo was suggested with the endorsement “kind but sneaky”.  Dug was also put forward with a similarly glowing reference, “mean but decent”.  So Dug and MuMo, at your leisure, have a scan through the comments here and drop in a comment with what you would like to see happen to poor little old me.

 

It was a disappointing start to Week 2.

 

Just to give you all hope that I may stumble and have to go through with this nasty business, whatever it may be.

 

Sunday.  I planned on getting in 3 hours or so on the bike.  I forgot about the birthday party on Saturday night.  At my house.  Late to bed.  Late to rise.  Then a round of visits to the nearby relatives for all to congratulate Mr10 on his promotion to Mr11.

 

I jumped on the shiny machine at 2pm to rendezvous with the rest of the clan at mum’s house for dinner and birthday cake (a thin slice, I promise).  As I wheel down the driveway I saw, to the south and west, a sky blacker than the night.  And boiling.  Yet I ventured forth.  My plan was to ride past mum’s suburb and then do a familiar 55km (34mi) loop.  I was less than 10 minutes from home when the first drops hit me.  By the 20 minute mark I was soaked to the bone.  At about 25 minutes I turned onto the main road and into the fiercest wind I have felt for many years.  I was struggling to maintain 80 rpm in a 39×19.  And then the rain intensified.  It was a quite comfortable 24°C (75°F) but the blinding forced a decision to stay alive.  So today the ride was over after 46 minutes.  ZERO points for the ride.  But junk and night snacks are all good.  And quoting another fat man with a mullet, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

 

 

 

 

My permanent post script

No matter how meagre your existence may seem, if you are reading this you are in a position to be a hero to people who need heroes more than you could imagine.  Click here to help make a difference.

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22 Responses to You’re all too kind.

  1. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    I’m normally hard, but I’d say you were being a little hard on the zero point score for riding. I’d give you 1/2 credit for that ride due to inclement weather and remember, you rode against a strong wind there for a bit! Double effort there!

  2. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    By the way, shoot me a KM sprint time and I’ll get you on the graph for PHAT K! I don’t care if you hand us our butts again!::GRIN::

  3. Suzanne says:

    Now Mike your forgetting my suggestion that you make a video of yourself dancing…But congradualtions on your determination for riding in the rain. I ruined bike #1 that way, so I no longer do it.However health choices do exist in drive though food. So I call you on that. I’m Sure Mc. D’s has salad over there. It wasn’t that you couldn’t get something good for yourself, it’s that you didn’t want to.Look at it this way, what you put in your mouth is really the only thing you can truely control in this life.

  4. Sue says:

    I vote for 6 hours riding straight (meaning continuously, not meaning you can’t turn the handlebars for 6 hours). This includes not stopping to pee (nod to Bob).Otherwise, I vot for Fatty or Nikared.

  5. Bryn says:

    Hey Big Mike. I guess me and u have a few things in common. -I too gave myself a new years resolution to strat training and eating seriously, taking records of how long i ride and where i ride to in the effort that somehow i’ll strat racing this year.-I of course live in the great weathered QLD, Australia.But then theirs the things we dont have in common, like -I can’t stand physics or any type of science-Im around 30 years ur juniorBut besides all that i think any of us cyclists that gave ourselfs a new years resolution to get fitter, thinner and faster should be admired, because we all know we have around a 7% chance of actually fulfilling these goals around work and studies. But i bet theirs about a 93% chance we’ll all make the same new years resolution next year. Hope it’s not too hot up there Mike, you should take some time off on the Gold Coast and see what great weather we have for cycling down here. Oh and yeah, because im a cyclist and have a blog that is sort of (well when i do write in it) based around cycling, does that mean, if i put a black panel over my eyes in a picture, i could become a member of the Ocularus Incognitus? Pls Mike, do a favour for a fellow Queenslander, lol.

  6. tayfuryagci says:

    an interesting punishment suggesiton: hand out a camera to the next person you see walking, than come around the corner on your bike, urinating with the "over the shorts" method. pictures not needed, maybe some pictures of you in the police station! 😀

  7. schcrochet says:

    HEEELLLLOOOOOO, we’re such a long way from each other, thought I really needed t along loud hello to get it to you. I’m in central Ohio, USA. I assume I’m older than you cause your kids are lots younger than mine. I have a 22 year old college senior.I like to pop in on several different blogs daily to see what people are up to. We’re an interesting lot. Some write beautiful, some have provacative things they like to teach the rest of us, and me…just like to be on the computer and doing things like blogging forces me to learn new things. I do genealogy, I knit, I crochet. I have pictures of my handiwork on my blog which I’m currently using as the focus. Please stop over and check it out. Vote for your favorites. It’s always interesting to me to see which items people like the best.It’s 10:38 am here on a drewy Monday. I’ve got tons of things I should be doing and just don’t feel motivated to do. I’m not a big believer in making resolutions, but did tell myself, "self, be more active, be more aware of physcial actiivity". So, hum, here I sit. I did go out for a walk yesterday, cut it shorter than I anticipated as the wind was terrible and made my ears hurt. Todays plan was to go again, but go a little farther. You can see I’m thnking about it, and talking about it. Then….there’s the afghan I started in the living needing my attention, as well as the leg warmers, and ….and….andI’ll let you know how it ends up!Have a good weekSandy in Ohio

  8. Unknown says:

    My biggest problem for thinking up a punishment is that I can’t visualize you stumbling, much less failing. I know you will make it because you’re an Aussie and Aussies are tough motherjumpers for sure. But in the far-fetched case that you DID stumble, I think Fatty has the right ideas. He’s bril, dontchaknow?I wish you’d been around to see me yesterday. After saying that I don’t eat much on a regular basis, I had a pig fest yesterday. Started out well and deteriorated into an absolute gobble. Perhaps it’s a moon phase? I guess we are all subject to stumbles because we are human. The trick, then, is to rise up and press on instead of giving up.Hugs,MuMo

  9. Unknown says:

    Your first offense should be to have your wife – preferably somebody with a really strong stomach, take a picture of you fairly close up, from behind, on the bike, with a mass market paperback or something similar sized in the frame for perspective. Then pin it to the fridge for the next week, and post it up here. Make sure you are on a really small racing saddle, like a Brooks Swift or the equivalent. Not like we’d see much saddle. (And I say that as a chap who is competing in the same league for gross tonnage. And I do mean gross). That should provide a nice combination of humiliation and motivation – if it doesn’t make you cry and slam two pizzas and three pitchers of FourX, ya big softie. On a similar note, I hooked up with a group ride out on the road a couple months ago. I pulled through, and as I sat on one of the middle wheels, the guy behind me says "you have really big glutes." I didn’t know whether to stop and punch him, or to say thanks, so I didn’t do anything. Then he says, "I mean you are the most powerful looking guy I ever rode behind." So then I’m flattered and blowing up like a balloon. Then he sticks me with the scissors. "If you lost a bunch of weight, I bet you could haul a$$." Right then and there I vowed I was going to get in much better shape going into the new season. FYI, I’m between 1.5 and 2 pounds down on last week’s weight. I’m going to work harder on the diet part this week. I’ll try to get up everybody’s B5 Challenge figures tonight or tomorrow. Hang in there Mike. Don’t get down on yourself and just keep rolling, you had a decent week and have many more to go… As Vinokourov wisely said, (I’m paraphrasing) "when you get onto a really long, tough hill, just keep looking down over the wheel, and don’t look up at the top too much. You won’t get discouraged that way."

  10. Laura says:

    4.4 POUNDS!!!!You Mike are my hero, aleast for this week…

  11. Kevin says:

    You should give yourself some credit for the ride on Sunday, you can’t control the weather

  12. Bryn says:

    Hey Mike. I had a look and figured out that your 38, since im 16, their is now a 22 year difference between us, i had a guess when i said 30, close though. I need ur email address so i can send u a pic so u can do the black eye thingy and make me a member of the Ocularus Incognitus, so i too, can be known by my heart, not my eyes, i know your motto know, lol. Oh, bye the way, i’d love to see my edited face appear in your ocularus incognitus site, lol, http://spaces.msn.com/members/BIGMikeinOz/Blog/cns!1pUjZ7WRnMU57BBH9u4WQHgw!265.entryAs far as the traffic in surfers goes, it’s actually not too bad if you know what streets to take to get around it. I myself though choose not to ride in the miami/surfers areas. I like to stick to around the theme parks and out west past the highway where it’s almost like country towns. Oh and by the way, who’s Jeff Reardon? lol, oh yeah, email me with ur email address, i wana become a member of the famous Ocularus Incognitus asap, lol.

  13. Fat says:

    I enjoyed your "My New Year Revolution" post. This is the kind of attack I’m talking about for 2006. It already is beginning to feel different. I hope we both succeed in our goals. Good luck!~ Fat Chick

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