The Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny


The Tooth Fairy was supposed to visit last night.  Mr 7 has lost 6 teeth in the last 8 weeks so it should have gone like clockwork.  Just been another day at the office.  But alas, the tooth fell out during dessert at a friend’s house – and was disposed of with the dinner scraps. 


We remembered when we got home, but I’m not driving 40km (25mi) to go through someone else’s garbage looking for a tooth.  And the worst of it was that we remembered while the kids were awake, but forgot after they went to bed.


So there was tears and drama this morning.  Then my salesmanship and bullshitting skills kicked in…



How far can I stretch The Legend of the Tooth Fairy?


“Well Zac, the truth is, mum threw out your tooth by mistake last night at Darryl and Nicki’s.”


“But how will I get my money for the tooth.”


“I think the Tooth Fairy has 2 problems here.  First, your tooth fell out in Nambour, which means the Tooth Fairy will have detected a job in Nambour.  When he got there, there wouldn’t have been a person with a missing tooth so he would go home.  Second, there is no tooth to give him.”


At that point I was temped to just tell him to ask his mum for twenty cents and write it off as our fault and therefore at our expense.  But the creative juices started flowing.


“I’ll bet the Tooth Fairy got back to his office and ran a wider sweep with his Missing-Tooth-Radar™ and found you straight away.  That means you’ll be back on the list and if he isn’t taking the long weekend off (built in insurance against my perpetual forgetfulness) there will probably be a surprise in the morning.”


“But dad, we don’t have a tooth to give him.  He won’t find me.  He buys the tooth.  What will we do?”


There were tears.  What’s a dad to do?



The real truth about the Tooth Fairy!


“Relax mate.  I guess you’re big enough to know the truth about the Tooth Fairy.  The Tooth Fairy doesn’t buy teeth that have fallen out.  That’s just gross.  Who would want a job like that?  Do you know what the Tooth Fairy’s real job is?”




“He’s an insurance underwriter.  He looks after people’s tooth insurance.  So when you lose a tooth, he comes out, looks in your mouth to make sure you did really lose a tooth, and then he pays you for the missing tooth.  It’s a bit like car insurance.  If you have an accident, they pay to fix your car, or they pay for a new car, and they take the wreck away too.  The Tooth Fairy takes away the old tooth, just like a wreck.  But if the tooth is lost, he still pays because he is paying for the gap in your mouth not the actual tooth.”


“Cool, can I play the Play Station now?”



So I guess he’s not upset anymore.  And now I’ve got to set my alarm for 3am so that I can unlock the door for the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny.  But that’s better than getting up 2 nights in a row.



Revolution Update! 


I just noticed that I didn’t give an update last week.  17 points – 1 day off the bike and 3 days of junk food.  I’m seriously thinking of quitting the pizza delivery job.  Those greasy things just call out my name at the end of a shift.


And this week?  17 points – 2 days with junk food and 2 days that don’t count on the bike.  Some of the junk food was helping the kids clean up during school holidays and takeaway when we went to the movies so, while it’s not ideal it’s not a regular thing and I’m not concerned.  I rode the bike 6 days this week but 1 day was only 50 minutes (I’m still dialling in the fixie after some component swapping and I don’t want to destroy a knee joint just for the sake of 15 minutes of riding).  The complete day of bike rest was today, Easter Saturday.  My wife worked from 6am to 3pm then we took the kids out for dinner and to the movies.


But who cares about the weekly points.  It’s the weight that we’re all here to hear about, right?  Well it keeps tumbling off.  Slowly, but the trend is still downwards.  15 weeks and only one gain.  I’ll take it.


And just so you know: the last 2 days of March I rode 33.5km (21mi) each day with Thursday the fastest ride I have on record for 5 years, followed by a better average speed on the Friday.  Then on Tuesday this week I rode the same course and bettered my time, and on Wednesday I beat it again.  Then Friday, I rode 53km (33mi) and it was at an average speed better than the 2 in March and close to the others from this week.


I am using average speeds as a benchmark of my improvement on the bike.  Here’s how the curve looks so far. 






25.8kph (16.0mph)

841km (522mi)


27.8kph (17.3mph)

527km (327mi)


28.4kph (17.6mph)

662km (411mi)

April (so far)

29.3kph (18.2mph)

483km (300mi)


The daily average speed can fluctuate, but there’s nowhere to hide with a figure that spans an entire month.  As you can see, the average speed is going up.  And the distance for April is only up until the 15th so that’s looking like quite a healthy number too.


All in all I’m excited about the progress.


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12 Responses to The Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny

  1. uncadan8 says:

    Nice Work, BIg Mike! I use the average speed as a gauge of progress as well. I don’t know what the actual progression is, but it is generally going up. I ride the same routes on a regular basis and can tell my times are getting shorter.

  2. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    Gooonya, Mike! I love it when I see someone improving as quickly as you are!

  3. Laura says:

    I love your spin on the tooth fairy! That was very creative, LOL!  Funny how inventive we can be when we have kids.

  4. Steve says:

    I thought 2 things stood out in your entry.  1) It’s good that the missing-tooth-radar system, as sophisticated and sensitive as it is, has been trade-marked, and 2) that your average speed is pretty darn fast.  Just imagine how quick you’ll be moving as Big Mike or even big Mike.

  5. Zed says:

    wow. I’ve got to remember that tactic of talking until they get over it. That’s cool. Never mind your creativity with the whole insurance thing.
    Oh, and your steadily increasing mph is awesome. Are you doing rides on similar routes or mixing it up? How do we know you’re not just riding tailwinds and then having your wife pick you up or something?

  6. Sue says:

    Yikes. Progress. Isn’t it time to start racing?
    P.S. Look at this picture, is the person that rides this bike using clipless pedals AND straps?

  7. BIg Mike In Oz says:

    Dan – I add the monthly distance and monthly minutes and then calculate the average speed, that way there’s no bias on any one good or bad day.
    Tom – thanks
    Mamma G – it’s a constant dance to stay ahead of them.
    Steve – I think the capital letters are only impeding my uphill speed.  On the flat my surface area is the issue and I don’t think it can improve much.  But the muscles underneath have plenty more improvement in them.
    Caloi – that’s salesmanship 101, be a good listener and never stop talking.  I’ve only done 2 one-way rides in 4 months, so the averages are legit.  It’s only a matter of time.  THe real test will come when I can climb and I go and try the 4 mile 10% climb that is lurking 15 miles from my front door.  16 minutes flat was my "in the days" time.
    Botched – I’m getting to the point where I can’t avoid racing.
    The picture certainly is clipless pedals with straps… most clipless pedals are rated to a maximum tension of around 15nm.  Some trackies, are generating up to 3 times that torque in the few seconds of acceleration from low speeds.

  8. Unknown says:

    Good work on the riding, Mike.  I’m rolling at about the same average speed as you, I think.  I don’t really pay attention to average speed now, unless I’m doing a longer, purely aerobic zone ride.  Too much of my workouts bounce back and forth between extremely high intensity efforts at speeds which bump Hr wayyyyyy up, followed by riding slow (10-14 MPH) at a recovery pace.  I do notice the difference on hills and on max effort-in-the-drops hammering.  Low grade hills follow a +12-+16 rule – up to 3-4%, I can keep up the same pace I’m on, except the Hr will be 12 to 16 beats higher.  I’m much faster on "power climb" hills, and even on the very long hills I notice some difference.  How much difference there is, is open to speculation:  some of it may have to do with losing the triple ring and fitting a 50:36 compact crank on my bike.  With a "large" cog of 23, that means the lowest speed I can spin at is 10-12 MPH, forcing me to work harder on hills.  I guess I drop a lot of my LBS ride friends on hills now, so there must be some improvement… can’t wait to hear how you do on the hills.   

  9. Suzanne says:

    I’m getting visions on you in a pink tutu

  10. SARAH says:

    what a beautifull funny uplifting site………i would love to be a memeber and will post the link u provided.

  11. Unknown says:

    You are a genius!  Good save and I’ll keep that one in mind.  Drewie is nearly 7 and just started losing his teeth.  We nearly lost the first one because he didn’t know what he was looking for. And then for the second one, we nearly forgot to put out the reward.
    And by the way, don’t you hate the Tooth Fairies who give kids far too much loot for a single tooth?  I think it sets them up for unrealistic expectations. 
    Hugs again,

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