Double meanings

I’m not one for passing on junk mail, but this from my sister just struck a chord.

 

It’s wrong on so many different levels, and yet so painfully accurate.

 

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male… The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female… Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male… Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female… A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female… A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male… A Root – 30 seconds to two minutes max. Preferably during an ad break.

7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female… A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

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25 Responses to Double meanings

  1. Unknown says:

    Excellent.  May I add a few?
     
    – A BEER AFTER WORK
    Her:  a half pint at the fern bar with the girls.
    Him:  15 pints, home by dawn as long as I don’t get arrested with a stripper.
     
    – A TALK
    Her: a sharing of feelings, airing of grievances, and discussion of anything at all
    Him: two hours of listening to an annotated list of everything that is both wrong, and probably unchangeable about me.
     
     

  2. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    Here’s my contribution:Honeydew:Female: A pale green melon.Male: A list of chores that is onerous in length and generally timed to interfere with a sporting event or poker game that has been planned for months!::GRIN::

  3. Courtney says:

    This list of rules is why I remain unmarried.
     
    I prefer to just use ’em and lose ’em.

  4. JC says:

    Hi Mike !
    I have not been here in so long…had to pop in and see what’s up with the man from OZ!
    I enjoyed the above, so crazy true!
    I also enjoyed the below blog and can relate to losing the tooth before the fairy arrives.
    Both of Annie’s first teeth were lost…one by me, one by her sister….suffice it to say she was not happy.
    However, we left the tooth fairy a note, and she apparently understood because the next day Annie found a treasure, a note and a toy….the fairy also paid a visit to her little sister as well, so she would not feel left out….GOD FORBID !
    Hope your Easter gave you many miracles and joy that will carry you and your family thru the year!
    I envy your get up and go…wow, you really do "commit" can be male or female version here…but it appears your idea of commitment is strong…keep up the great work on the goal….keep the stive and your eyes on the mark.
     
    You can do ALL things thru Christ who strengthens you!
    IN HIS GRIP
    JC

  5. Steve says:

    Great list, BIgMike, with a definite ring of truth.  I especially liked #1.  I’m not sure if mine qualifies to be included:
     
    Five minutes
     
    Her: Amount of additional time she says it will take to get ready for the party — really 20 minutes.
     
    Him:  Amount of additional time he’ll spend watching the match before getting up off the couch — really 20 minutes.
     
    So quantitatively it’s really the same, though the context is different.

  6. serf says:

    "Honey I spent some money today"
     
    Male: I hope I don’t get in trouble for for spending $____ (insert an amount less than $30.00)
    Female: He better not say anything about me spending $____ (insert an amount greater than $100.00)

  7. Unknown says:

    It may not be absolutely completely certifiably PC, but if we lose the ability to laugh at ourselves, life sure wouldn’t be worth living.  Thanks for some good chuckles!
     
    Hugs,
    MuMo

  8. SARAH says:

    thanks for a great laugh………

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  14. h says:

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  15. h says:

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  16. h says:

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  17. Unknown says:

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  18. Unknown says:

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