This is not a Christmas Carol

 

This is not a Christmas carol, yet I must commence with the very Christmassy tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy.  Why?  Wait and see!

 

After the nasty experience I had last weekend with high mileage and no so tight cycling knicks, I visited the local bike shop this week and applied some pressure.  I had previously mentioned to them in passing that next time they were ordering a batch of clothes I would appreciate the acquisition of a bibsuit in XL.  Tuesday afternoon I limped in there and demanded an immediate phone call to the supplier.  I then limited myself to rides of less than 90 minutes for the rest of the week to avoid any nasty recurrences.  I never want to be in a position again where I chafe off so much skin that if I was a masochist, I’d be giggling with glee like a marijuana enhanced preteen.

 

Friday afternoon I dropped in at the hallowed establishment on my way home and the owner smiled the smile of a paedophile about to hand over a lolly.  I tried on the fresh new product.  Oh, the comfort. Oh, the joy.  It was just like Christmas.

 

I will now quote directly from the garment packaging to give you an idea of the glory of the first and all future uses of this product.  I won’t bore you with the washing instructions or any of the big technical words.  I’ll jump straight to the good bits… “The Fusion Chamois… benefits from 4 way stretch to move with you and deliver less wear and tear on the garment and body”.  That, right there, is the holy grail of cycling apparel – less wear and tear on the body.

 

There are some things that a man WILL NOT compromise on.  I pay $10 for 7 pairs of underpants.  I pay $8 for 5 pairs of socks.  I pay $12 for t-shirts that twist into weird shapes on the second or third washing.  But I will never again pay $30 for a pair of knicks.  My latest acquisition set me back $150 and I have just arrived home from a 94km (58.4mi) ride in less than 3 hours.  My fastest time for that route by over 3 minutes, and the second fastest ride so far this year.   And I came through the front door with all the skin I departed with.  Hallelujah.

 

I am just now starting to wonder about why I rode so fast today.  A lot of my cycling equipment is themed in red.  2 of the 3 bikes, the helmet and now the inside of my knicks.  For those of you who are a little squeamish I can assure you this photograph was take when I was nowhere near the inside of the garment.  And furthermore, the garment was in a sterile, unworn state.  I further promise to never publish before and after shots of the inside of my pants.  Red; the colour af all this fast.

 

 

Tomorrow morning I’m venturing forth to revisit the monster mountain that I spoke of recently.  My next post will include an appraisal of whether I fell flat, or beat 28 minutes flat.  There will also be a photo of something that I saw last time I rode there.  Something that may help non-cyclists to understand how truly tough this climb is.

 

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6 Responses to This is not a Christmas Carol

  1. uncadan8 says:

    Thank goodness for the commitment on your photo habits.

  2. Suzanne says:

    I frequently ponder the ungodly expense of cycling clothes. Unfortunatly, the pants are something that you just can’t get by without.
     
    Also Unfortunatly, at over 100 bucks a pop…they are ALL to long. I have to roll up the bottom. Which is a real pisser.
     
    But may your new clothes go many miles.

  3. Courtney says:

    I’m partial to my skin too – so I understand that need to keep as much of it as possible.
     
    Now all your ‘fun’ bits will be comfortable!

  4. Unknown says:

    There a few pieces of cyling gear that are worth every penny for the good stuff: shorts, shoes, and saddles top the list for me. IOn my mt bike I absolutely have to have really good cranks, tires, and brakes.Botched

  5. Laura says:

    If it had been any other color, who you still have gone as fast?

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