This is not a Christmas carol, yet I must commence with the very Christmassy tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy. Why? Wait and see!
After the nasty experience I had last weekend with high mileage and no so tight cycling knicks, I visited the local bike shop this week and applied some pressure. I had previously mentioned to them in passing that next time they were ordering a batch of clothes I would appreciate the acquisition of a bibsuit in XL. Tuesday afternoon I limped in there and demanded an immediate phone call to the supplier. I then limited myself to rides of less than 90 minutes for the rest of the week to avoid any nasty recurrences. I never want to be in a position again where I chafe off so much skin that if I was a masochist, I’d be giggling with glee like a marijuana enhanced preteen.
Friday afternoon I dropped in at the hallowed establishment on my way home and the owner smiled the smile of a paedophile about to hand over a lolly. I tried on the fresh new product. Oh, the comfort. Oh, the joy. It was just like Christmas.
I will now quote directly from the garment packaging to give you an idea of the glory of the first and all future uses of this product. I won’t bore you with the washing instructions or any of the big technical words. I’ll jump straight to the good bits… “The Fusion Chamois… benefits from 4 way stretch to move with you and deliver less wear and tear on the garment and body”. That, right there, is the holy grail of cycling apparel – less wear and tear on the body.
There are some things that a man WILL NOT compromise on. I pay $10 for 7 pairs of underpants. I pay $8 for 5 pairs of socks. I pay $12 for t-shirts that twist into weird shapes on the second or third washing. But I will never again pay $30 for a pair of knicks. My latest acquisition set me back $150 and I have just arrived home from a 94km (58.4mi) ride in less than 3 hours. My fastest time for that route by over 3 minutes, and the second fastest ride so far this year. And I came through the front door with all the skin I departed with. Hallelujah.
I am just now starting to wonder about why I rode so fast today. A lot of my cycling equipment is themed in red. 2 of the 3 bikes, the helmet and now the inside of my knicks. For those of you who are a little squeamish I can assure you this photograph was take when I was nowhere near the inside of the garment. And furthermore, the garment was in a sterile, unworn state. I further promise to never publish before and after shots of the inside of my pants. Red; the colour af all this fast.
Tomorrow morning I’m venturing forth to revisit the monster mountain that I spoke of recently. My next post will include an appraisal of whether I fell flat, or beat 28 minutes flat. There will also be a photo of something that I saw last time I rode there. Something that may help non-cyclists to understand how truly tough this climb is.