too busy to write, sorry

 

I’ve got a great story half written but I’m running short of time.  Here are a couple of jokes to tide you over until I finish the story.  I’ll tease you just a little bit before I make you laugh then disappear.  The story I’ll post on Thursday has elements of destruction, pain and self-deprecating humour. 

 

Now for the little funnies…

 

I visited my mother-in-law this afternoon.  We chatted about all the usual things for a while then out of the blue she said “I got a tattoo last week.  It’s a little mouse.”  Yuck.

“Have a look.”

“No.”

“Have a look.  It’s just here below my belly button.”

Yuck again.  “No.”

“Here.”  She pulled the waist band of her pants down a little.  Yuck.  She was stretching this way and that, peering anxiously.  “Damn it.  I can’t find it.”

“What do you mean, you can’t find it?”

“It’s not there.  My pussy must have eaten it.”

YUCK !

 

 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mum, I have something to tell you, I’m gay."

 

His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she’d heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You’re gay, doesn’t that mean you have oral sex with other men?"

 

The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mum, that’s right."

 

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and WHACKED him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don’t you EVER complain about the taste of my cooking again!"

 

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11 Responses to too busy to write, sorry

  1. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    ROFL, particularily the second one!

  2. Kelly says:

    Okay, I skipped the part that explained these were jokes and I read the first one thinking your mother in law had actually said that to you…lol. I wondered what kind of weird family you had married into.
    Love them both. You are one sick puppy. 🙂

  3. Courtney says:

    My grandfather told me that first joke a couple of weeks ago.  When I was done laughing my ass off, I finally realized from whom I inherited my sense of perversion.
     
    (Although, you’d think I would have realized that from my high school days, when he and I would watch late-night Showtime (soft-core stuff) together.)
     
    (After writing that, I realized that’s kind of weird.  But, hey.  I love the old guy.)
     
    😉

  4. Kelly says:

    Where was the disclaimer? I needed something to tell me to PUT DOWN MY DRINK before reading. Thanks for tiding us over with jokes. ;-)I hope everything is ok with ya!

  5. BIg Mike In Oz says:

    Tom – It puts parents in a whole new light.
     
    Kelly – My mother-in-law and I have an adversarial relationship.  She would never… oh yuck.  I don’t feel well.
     
    Courtney – Grandfathers are supposed to be equal parts cool and creepy.
     
    Mocha (only to avoid stereo Kelly syndrome) – I am developing a "nasal-beverage" warning banner to fly above all guffaw inducing segments.  It’ll be ready by mid August.  In the meantime, beware.

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