Not a cyclist


Owning a bike and being in a race doesn’t make you a cyclist.  Have a look at the guy on the left of the picture.


Sadly, with his helmet on backwards, lazy brakes, platform pedals and sneakers, he’s right in the middle of other far better equipped competitors.  He’s only one step above the guy I saw when I competed in the Mooloolaba triathlon in the late ‘80s.  He was on a 27” women’s bike with a 3 speed internal hub and a full face motorbike helmet.  I passed him on the bike which meant he was a better swimmer than me, and I have no doubt he caught me again in the run.


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12 Responses to Not a cyclist

  1. Unknown says:

    Still laughing. . .

  2. uncadan8 says:

    Yikes! Absolutely hilarious.

  3. Theresa says:

    OMG – that is the funniest picture!

  4. Unknown says:

    Wow.  But how would you like to be the guy on the $2500 (U.S.) Trek who is barely staying ahead of the goober? 
    BTW, I think he has an enormous reflector mounted on the rear brake stay.  Niiiiiiiice…

  5. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    Tough arse too, it looks like he’s riding in a pair of Speedo’s!

  6. Ariane says:

    Hey stop making fun of me. I couldn’t find my regular shorts and the rest of the gear, including the helmet thing, well, I lost a bet. How was I supposed to know that this would be the day some jerk with a camera would show up and snap this shot?

  7. Burra King says:

    Give the guy a break, it looks like he’s just trying to save money. He doesn’t have to buy sunglasses wearing a helmet like that. The helmet keeps the sun and debris out of his eyes….good ingenuity i say. He’s probably glued those sneakers to the pedals too!

  8. Unknown says:

    I also thought he was wearing a Speedo or maybe just black underpants, not to mention a doofus kind of grin. But as Al said, how the heck is he in the middle of all the hot dogs? And if you look REALLY close, I’d swear he has an oxygen cannula across his face.  WHAT is up with that?

  9. Unknown says:

    You know, the reason that a lot of roadies get all up in triathletes’ grills, is because riding a road bike is a very beautiful thing.  There is an aesthetic to it, and while not everybody can ride with magnificent style – not everybody can be this posterboy – dedicated roadies try really hard to carry on in the best traditions of the sport.  A man adjusts his tie to make sure he looks presentable, a woman puts on makeup, roadies wear decent clothes and think about the image they present to the world, and if they must suffer, do so with panache.  So it’s painful to see a bike defiled by a guy wearing a nearly sheer banana hammock, magic marker numbers, a lycra baby-T tank top and sticky brown maltodextrin cubes stuck all over the handlebar and top tube.  But you keep your mouth shut, any cyclist is a friend of mine, etc., and you try to be charitable about people pissing on the aesthetic you live and die by.   
    Then some guy comes along like this and you want to shoot him for making a public mockery of the sport of cycling, and see if you can outlaw the triathlon sanctioning bodies as mere hiding places for criminals against nature.  That guy shouldn’t be allowed to ride a bike until he fixes all that.  It’s hideous.  If I were a judge, I’d sentence him to five years working in the Castelli factory, sniffing rider tested KISS chamoises to ensure they don’t retain *too much* odor. 
    Okay, I exaggerate a bit, I know some tri-etes who ride with some style and a couple guys on my velo club are sometime triathletes (which is like being a part time pervert, if you ask me, but I digress).  Yet if there was such a thing as the fashion police, this guy would be in deep, deep trouble, and I’d urge his hanging or deportation to Australia. 

  10. Tim D says:

    Having competed in several triathlons, mostly with little or nor training and usually in the fat b*****d category, I can sympathise with this guy.  He will have started the swim probably hours before these guys, if not days.  He has been caught early in the ride and still has the run to do.  He will probably finish having used up more calories than the other riders have ever consumed and will celebrate his finish with several beers.
    The back to front helmet though is inexcusable.

  11. Anchra says:

    What I love about this picture is:
    a.) the clueless look on the guy’s face
    b.) the little bit of back fat hanging out of his shirt.

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