Come to Australia


Late last year several comments were left by people who would love to visit Australia, but apart from the obvious concerns about distance and cost, there was a common theme of “we’re scared of all the scary creatures down there”.  Well, I’m here today to help quell that fear.


Yes, we do have 9 of the worlds 10 deadliest spiders.  And yes, the numbers aren’t much better with the snakes.  And yes, our baby salt water crocodiles are about the same size as the adult male alligators from Florida that you see on the news from time to time. 


We have lots of cute cuddly animals in Australia – me, for instance.  But not koalas.  They’re either asleep (which seems cuddly) or eating (which seems harmless).  The problem with them is fairly fundamental.  Have you ever interrupted your grandfather while he was sleeping in his rocking chair on a warm Sunday afternoon?  Remember how savage he was when he woke?  What about when you interrupted him in the middle of dinner?  Don’t mess with grandpa; and don’t mess with koalas.


There are other cute and cuddly animals.  Kangaroos.  They are just as cute as Looney Tunes portrays them except “the real danger lies in a serious kick with the hindleg. The sharpened toenails can disembowel” – ref. Wiki.


Some aren’t so cute.  The Tasmanian Devil.  Again, Looney Tunes portrays them as a cute animal, but in reality they are a cross between a rabid fox and a skunk – in size, smell and temperament.


Others are incredibly cute.  My kids.  But they’re an endangered species, due mainly to my parenting skills which are often referred to as either amateurish or haphazard, or both.


Then there’s the unseen joys.  The real reason for this post is a photograph that my sister sent my recently.  The yellow thing in the right of the photo is a fully extended 10 foot tape measure.  The grey thing on the left was found hanging from the security grill of my one year old niece’s bedroom window.  Don’t panic, it’s just a snake skin.  But they shrivel up when they moult, so the living breathing owner of that skin may be 12 feet long.  He may also be non-venomous, but that’s only speculation because where my sister lives is known for brown snakes and red belly black snakes.


So come on over.  It’s really a great place.  And not all that dangerous – the population continues to grow despite our fauna.


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10 Responses to Come to Australia

  1. Courtney says:

    HOLY SHIT!!!  That’s a big snake.  I don’t even mind snakes, but I think I’d mind that one.

  2. Suzanne says:

    Well I guess you guys are used to living dangerously….

  3. Tim D says:

    I read recently that scientists had discovered evidence of carniverous kangeroos.  Fossils I think, but if they did it once they can do it again.

  4. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    Yup. you have some strange critters, Down Under! My favorite though, would be the Platypus.

  5. BIg Mike In Oz says:

    Courtney – I can just imagine you seeing a snake that big and screaming (The Sweetest Thing style) "It’s too big".
    Suzanne – Mad Max is our local driving instructor.
    Tim – It doesn’t matter whether they’re carnivorous or not.  Once they’ve kicked you to death, if they don’t eat you, the dingos will.
    Tom – Who are you calling strange?  And yes, the platypus.  How could I forget?  An egg laying mammal with a duck’s bill, a beaver’s tail, webbed feet and enough venom to kill a dog.

  6. Laura says:

    Ok so the allergator they fished out of our pool last year was ‘just a little guy’ at 6 feet (and i do not live near Florida), and the timber rattlers i have to look for on job sites are only half that size… and the local black widows are all talk… and the copperheads are not really that mean… oh and the sharks are alot less hungry..
    Since you have proven it is safer here by my beach on this ocean, maybe yopu should move over hear or visit….

  7. Jtrav31 says:

    Minus the spiders, animals, and ugly, disgusting, vile, hideous snakes…sounds like fun…hehe. 
    Seriously…If I saw a snake’s skin like that near my place…
       "Honey…we’re moving….NOW!!!!"

  8. Holy says:

    I was never so freaked out in my life as the time I visited the Auckland Museum, a very impressive museum incidently, where they had a huge and disgusting feature exhibit on all the bugs and such in Ozland.  I couldn’t believe these gross beetles I was seeing – huge, full metal jacket variety – and all the other spiders and such – I’m getting the heebies again just remembering.
    Anyways, came over to visit from your Perky-honkers comments on Fatty’s site – I forgot how funny you are.
    PS – you’re right – we parents do way too much for our kids – my 7 year old still isn’t very good at tying her shoelaces.

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