Holiday Greetings to Everyone


I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends and colleagues, but it is so difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with our solicitor yesterday, and on his advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, no addictive, gender neutral celebration of the solstice holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that our country is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer:
No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

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12 Responses to Holiday Greetings to Everyone

  1. Courtney says:

    Merry Christmas, Big Mike!!
     
    (Oops, I went and said it!!)
     
    I hope you’re surrounded by the people you love.

  2. deanna says:

    Love it…. and I also wish only the best for you and yours this soltice season….. May you always get what you want, And want what you get.

  3. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    Please
    accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an
    environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, no
    addictive, gender neutral celebration of the solstice holiday,
    practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or
    secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular
    persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to
    practice religious or secular traditions at all.I also wish you
    a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically
    uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted
    calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of
    choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped
    make our country great (not to imply that our country is necessarily
    greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed,
    colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of
    the wishee.By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:This
    greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
    transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
    promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for
    her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is
    revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted
    to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for
    a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday
    greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement
    of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the
    wisher.Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.Seaansn’s Greetings back at ya!

  4. Unknown says:

    A Happy New Year to you and yours, Mike! 
     
    And what DID the woman say about the ashes?  That had to be a one-of-a-kind experience and I can just imagine how awkward it must have felt.  None of the etiquette books cover that situation.  Well, I guess they do in that they would assert that she should not have said it in the first place. But I imagine receiving the ashes of one’s son is a rather painful event and she probably wanted to share her pain with someone else. Maybe no one else listens when she talks, so you inherited that grim duty. I can’t help but suspect the remark was more about her than it was about her son, though — kind of like a "look at me" sort of thing.
     
    Love and hugs,
     
    MuMo

  5. Tom Stormcrowe says:

    Let me be the first blogger to officially wish you a happy new year, and we got over 40,000 miles!

  6. Fat says:

    Hehe, thanks and same to you (I think…) lol.~ Fat Chick

  7. serf says:

    Where there any animals used during the testing of this message?

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